Mid-Day Ramblings

Everything feels the same
No forward momentum
There is no change
But everything is changing
Moving
Going
Growing
Even I am moving further into my life
Each step leading to aging
I am writing, serving what I feel is my purpose
Still, it is stagnant
Not, ripening like an apple
But I will rot
We all die
I attempt to live in each moment
And when I’ve risen
Someone pulls me down
Their words, thoughts actions I’m told to ignore
And when I rise above them, the hope lasts maybe a month
If I’m lucky I can brush their thoughts or views aside
Exhale and try to make things matter
This voice that screams for you to listen
And then you’re told you want attention
We all want attention, to be heard
Or would we rather
Sit back and turn on the television
Ignore the things turning around us
It’s hate, beauty, and the uniform we are forced to wear
Society’s standards are not mine
And I type on my machine
I’m in no race
Click, click, click
Words with meaning to sometimes only me
And I wonder if they glimpse at all, peak at what is underneath this skin
Of a beating heart that would bleed
For those who wish to speak
I know what it’s like to linger in the sidelines
To stop, not speaking, to not interrupt, to be polite
Because if you stumble over them, push them, or try
You have no manners
While neither will I.
Angela K. Crandall
©4/2/19

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Before I wake…

“My world is smashed together blended with needs that get met in the wee hours of the evening. Then I crash and wonder if anything happened relevant that wasn’t in my dreams.”
Angela K. Crandall
©2/28/18

Equality for All

The only sanctuary that exists is in your own mind.
This world is blind
It doesn’t know what unconditional love is
What it knows is fear, hate, and how to take away
What was never theirs,
Because
It says
‘And liberty and justice for all.’
Most of you make me want to die
But I know I have to keep fighting
For those that need me.
I stand with the LGBT community.
~Angela K. Crandall~
©7/27/17

No-Filter-Thoughts

In my world, there is an island where poverty doesn’t exist.
A place where you are not condemned for being either religious or not
But that you
Can
Be yourself
Equal to each other no matter
Race, sexuality or where you are from
If we were to lift each other up
There would be no class system
There would just be a group of humans working together
So everyone had what they needed
But
This world is only in my heart
It can only be provided by me helping those around myself.
Being that which I want others to be
It will only happen if we; as a group of humans are selfless
It won’t be easy
I want an island where
People don’t have to hide who they are
Where no one hurts each other
Physically, mentally or emotionally
I want peace, hope, and love
I don’t understand those that say no judgment
Then they use a book to do just that.
Angela K. Crandall
©1/20/17

Social needs

                 Filling up with unneeded things to replace what we cannot find. Is it wasteful? Useless? But it does make sense. An attempt, to fill a gap, an empty space, a void in life. It isn’t often it comes to a person without hard work. However, what happens when you’ve tried so adamantly, a hole is worn. As if, you’d kept that pair of sneakers on for months. Never taking them off, you continue to walk towards your destination. One never reached. Each time you stick out your hand to greet someone, embrace them, attempting to make contact you’re denied. When you’re not, it’s a passing by of acquaintances. It’s always, we should do coffee or let’s hang out sometime. Then time passes and nothing occurs. You yearn for new relationships of liberal knowledge. Friendships that cannot be overturned by differences. Still, those sneakers are wearing pretty thin. The souls shot like old skin. The paths I’ve chosen are unlike many. People turn their heads away. When they turn towards me, it’s in pity. When it’s not that, it’s for a need. I am there for you. I always am, I say. I’m not at all perfect. I am full of faults. When I thought I’d found a friend again, it was false. I used to think-most people were good. Now I am leery. Even now, I quickly open up. What’s wrong with me? How can I be so compassionate about others and their lives? Yet, when I am. I feel I’m in the wrong. Asking for someone to listen, to understand me. So it is easier not to upset the masses. I turn to those I have always known. Deep inside there’s a spark of hope. That I, will someday find a best friend again. One who lives close. For-there, are still a few who get me. They are just so far away. It seems impossible to connect. Facebook isn’t friendship, and I know people say don’t let distance get in the way but it does.-Angela K. Crandall©11/28/16

What’s within

“And so I built walls because you choose to stick them up. I began to create my own. I’d rather stay in a world I shaped, than the one you doomed. My cage of words, creating stories. Can you take them from my head, as you took my heart from my soul? Each and every word is an action typed within breaths leaked from the pulse I continue to allow to beat. The only repercussion would be I could no longer tell my story. It’s why I go on. It’s my story. It’s all I have. I will not allow anyone else to hold the pen. At times for this, I suffer, we suffer, creating our worlds unlike any other. Now, I should sleep within. Again tomorrow I begin again. Faults, scars, alibis, misspelled words, and punctuation.”

-Angela K. Crandall©8/7/16 (Sweet dreams.)

Random thoughts from an angry girl.

    “If nothing really mattered but love then love would be our work. We would get paid for taking care of each other, not commercialism, capitalism, and all of the reasons why they use us. We’d be used for good gain, not for more than what is needed. Nor would the tasks be those that drowned us in pain. If love was our work it would lift us up, but how can we love our work when it does not love us? When it instead enslaves us.”

-Angela K. Crandall

©7/8/16

(And it’s not because we let it, we all need a roof, a bed, clothing, food, heat, and a way to get to work.)

Endurance

“Each day no matter what anyone says. I strive to keep going, move forward, and fight to stay. I hold in my heart a passion that often is overlooked by some. In spite of all my obstacles, I make time where it has been lost. Discover ways to move to a song that is just being written.”

-Angela K. Crandall

©6/10/16

Exploding inward

“Keep wanting to be seen, Heard, made to matter
All I get is T.V. chatter
Angsty games played
Out of the line, I crawl burrowing myself into a hole in the wall
You might as well pack it in
I keep beginning again
Over and over
You continue to bury me
Saying come out and play
You can make it
You will fit in
My disfigured puzzle piece won’t let me in.”
~Angela K. Crandall~
©5/10/16