Splendor

I want to be here, in somewhere else

Not knowing

Existing

Moment by moment

In the second’s, others said I wasted

Relishing in each lazy haze

Where my completeness is your undoing.

Angela K. Crandall

©3/17/17

 

Social needs

                 Filling up with unneeded things to replace what we cannot find. Is it wasteful? Useless? But it does make sense. An attempt, to fill a gap, an empty space, a void in life. It isn’t often it comes to a person without hard work. However, what happens when you’ve tried so adamantly, a hole is worn. As if, you’d kept that pair of sneakers on for months. Never taking them off, you continue to walk towards your destination. One never reached. Each time you stick out your hand to greet someone, embrace them, attempting to make contact you’re denied. When you’re not, it’s a passing by of acquaintances. It’s always, we should do coffee or let’s hang out sometime. Then time passes and nothing occurs. You yearn for new relationships of liberal knowledge. Friendships that cannot be overturned by differences. Still, those sneakers are wearing pretty thin. The souls shot like old skin. The paths I’ve chosen are unlike many. People turn their heads away. When they turn towards me, it’s in pity. When it’s not that, it’s for a need. I am there for you. I always am, I say. I’m not at all perfect. I am full of faults. When I thought I’d found a friend again, it was false. I used to think-most people were good. Now I am leery. Even now, I quickly open up. What’s wrong with me? How can I be so compassionate about others and their lives? Yet, when I am. I feel I’m in the wrong. Asking for someone to listen, to understand me. So it is easier not to upset the masses. I turn to those I have always known. Deep inside there’s a spark of hope. That I, will someday find a best friend again. One who lives close. For-there, are still a few who get me. They are just so far away. It seems impossible to connect. Facebook isn’t friendship, and I know people say don’t let distance get in the way but it does.-Angela K. Crandall©11/28/16

Exploding inward

“Keep wanting to be seen, Heard, made to matter
All I get is T.V. chatter
Angsty games played
Out of the line, I crawl burrowing myself into a hole in the wall
You might as well pack it in
I keep beginning again
Over and over
You continue to bury me
Saying come out and play
You can make it
You will fit in
My disfigured puzzle piece won’t let me in.”
~Angela K. Crandall~
©5/10/16

Things people make me question.

 

 

Why do people say, if you want to be loved, you are too demanding?
Wanting to be understood means that other’s have to follow your path.
That needing a person is wrong.
Because even though at times I desire to be alone
I long for human companionship.
The comfort of my pets is pleasing, often fulfilling.
But it does not replace my need for human contact.

~Angela K. Crandall~
©2/8/16

Only Me…

“I’ve been looking for one person who understands where I come from searching for so long I think I’ve lost my soul in the dust others have created. I’m scouring it, running my fingers through it, trying to find this one person who gets what it’s like to be stuck, in the middle, demanding both sides. Someone who cannot accept that they’re only allowed to fulfill half of who they are due to society’s standards. Am I the only one? So far it seems so. No door has remained open.”
by
Angela K. Crandall
©12/27/15