I’ve been gone….

 working every day in many ways

I am a wife, writer, non-profit retail worker

A friend to a few

Each day I attempt to take it in 

Not waste a minute

Give and get, then give again

I’m not  free of imperfections

are you?

The cycle of the circle

In 24 hours 

The sun rises and falls

And someday we fall to

How do you want them to recall you?

Will you struggle for your dream? 

Give up something for passion only you can see.  

Then hope when someone opens the book, reads the words, they too will be touched.

It’s why I’ve been away.

And Poetry…

I’ve been writing it, just for another book.

Anticipating that someone will understand what I have to say

If not today perhaps tomorrow, or much later when I’m gone.

Angela K. Crandall

©6/1/17

What’s within

“And so I built walls because you choose to stick them up. I began to create my own. I’d rather stay in a world I shaped, than the one you doomed. My cage of words, creating stories. Can you take them from my head, as you took my heart from my soul? Each and every word is an action typed within breaths leaked from the pulse I continue to allow to beat. The only repercussion would be I could no longer tell my story. It’s why I go on. It’s my story. It’s all I have. I will not allow anyone else to hold the pen. At times for this, I suffer, we suffer, creating our worlds unlike any other. Now, I should sleep within. Again tomorrow I begin again. Faults, scars, alibis, misspelled words, and punctuation.”

-Angela K. Crandall©8/7/16 (Sweet dreams.)

A new Moon

“The best thing about myself, is my heart.

Although, it’s been broken in the past, it hasn’t led me wrong.

It’s a reminder that not everyone can be trusted, but that I want to trust everyone.

 I suppose most people are good until proven otherwise.”

~Angela K. Crandall

©11/16/15

Me

“I’m the girl who always tried to please others, who is trying to please herself.

I have made mistakes, faced my past, and am always looking for my future.

 Life feels like one big test in which you never know if you are winning or losing.”

~Angela K. Crandall~

©10/8/2015

As an artist

“I can’t give up, it’s like committing suicide. It’s worse then social suicide. You can’t let yourself die as an artist because of what other people think of you. It’s tough to keep going even when no one listens, but if you stop then really no one will ever have the chance to listen so it’s better to keep going even when you don’t know what the outcome will be.”

~Angela K. Crandall~–on writing

For yourself be true

“If you want to be a writer then be a writer. Let no one define who you are just because you need a day job to support yourself. Be good to yourself, stay positive, and even if you never become famous you can say that you never gave up. Yes, I know you think it isn’t much, but you were always true to yourself. That’s more than most people are, and most folks give up. I know because I’ve given up before.”Angela K. Crandall, Author

Sub Zero or sub hero?

Everything I’m fighting for seems

So far away

The letters on the page

Hold significance

Work is written not in hours,

 In weeks,

Months planned awaiting something further

Then this

To be someone of importance

Not just a day job

Why did I struggle to go to college?

What did it pay for?

Only to make me question everything

Whilst I ponder those who accept it

Melt into it

Join it

As I pursue pushing it

They yield

claiming, I am compelled by madness

In my need to rise above the selected

Societal ladder made to climb, push, break,

To bend it til you crash!

I’m the mad women

The one they warn you of

Who needs beyond belief?

Whose words are seen or unseen?

As you shove them aside

I let them guide me 

 A river

Leading to my fate

A sharp rock in the water

Sitting patiently to be polished

Not just waiting either

Taking created goals

Maintaining them in spite of obstacles,

Setbacks, the life that gets in the way.

Even as I wonder if the drive will

Ever matter

Knowing that I must make it

Even if you manipulate me to believe

I’ll only fall

Now and forever

If my destiny is failure

I’m not allowed to give in

To demolish my faith

That it’s worth it.

Something I cannot see won’t let me.

Nothing seen

Like guilt in my gut

It lingers

Stretching through seconds

Clicking away

Each day

analyzed.

By

Angela K. Crandall

©5/25/15

More Than/Desperate Matters

I want my light back

I’m tired of  darkness

Why did you bring me here?

How the hell did you find me?

I didn’t ask you to arrive in your

Black jet automobile

You set it on cruise

Let’s go for a ride you said

It will be fun you said

So I entered.

I thought I’d win, we’d win

That we’d dance even in the rain

Yet I’m drowning in it

Living in dreams

My own imagination

In need of a vacation

Relaxation

A way out of pressure

It’s always time to go to work

And when I come home the dream dies

It fades

Work has killed me

Beaten me

Don’t let it you say?

13 years is a long time

And a sustenance is a necessity in these times.

I pray, I grieve, I beg that I’ll make it

Inch by inch crawling, attempting to

Achieve what I had, the dream,

What I wanted, before getting in that car

Before I thought this would the right

Choice

Now I have to work twice as hard

To stay motivated

Exert my goals

Get head,

I get tired

Lazy

Anxious

Upset

I’m told to keep on

I force myself forward

Screaming and kicking

I beat myself down

I am the only one who will punish me

No one else cares if I succeed or fail.

I am my own jailer

Or zilch is achieved

Nothing is accomplished

Because at the end of the day

I am the only one that cares

If I make it or break it

Lose it or gain it.

And

 In the end, I hope I win

We all hope to win

To be more than just another face

At least I think most of us do

We want to be someone to somebody.

Some want to be somebody to

Many

Who’s someone to you?

 By

Angela K. Crandall, Author

P.S. The black car is a metaphor. 😉

Becoming

“How do you wake up from a dream that was prescribed for you?

Take in the entire actress within you

Assuming the role, breathe in the life force

Of another and enter her

Because that is what I have done in the years

Claimed in the passing of time

Taking on burdens

Like pills prescribed

Each day is passing by

Filling in my holes hoping to live

Without regret even though I do this

Do that

Eating, drinking, believing that one day

All of it will add up

To something

To greatness, instead of what I see before me

So I keep breathing, living, trying to be content

With what is put before me, at the same time fighting for

The ability to move forward

To find worth

Without simplicity

To be admired inspired,

A poet, a writer who is known

Will I remain? Will this notion of want pass?

Right now, I can’t let it go.

This dream is not part of the prescription staged.

It is me who’ve I’ve made.

By

Angela K. Crandall, Author