In my dreams…

       

       Unicorn come find me and whisk me away to a magical world. We’ll go to an island, and I’ll feed you apples while I write in my journal. I’ll reread every page and smile. Then throw it in the ocean feeding the sea with my thoughts. Perhaps the fish will read them, or Jaws will taste each vowel and spit the others out. Afterward, I’ll build a cabin out of straw, branches, and the twine the villagers find for me when I meet them. Let’s hope they are friendly. I’ll grow crops to feed everyone, somehow we’ll find seeds and hope will nurture them with wild rains as they pour onto the land. This my magical creature would be a great plan.

–AKC ©9/29/18

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Meeting but not…

I dive as I drive into a state of music
It sweeps me into a mood of smiles
Leads me down a path of hopes
Keeps me full without the filling
Features all the best artists of my choosing
And I recognize my gain from their work on my way to work
Pun intended
They help me help myself
And I am grateful
Even when the song fills my eyes with tears
Reminds me of memories
Burns my fingertips from bad choices
Music is not only words
It’s a part of souls
Touching ours
Without ever having to meet.

Angela K. Crandall

©9/27/18

The dark side of me.

I keep writing
As if I’ll share my words with you
Then keep denying them
I hold them dearly inside
But I don’t keep secrets
I opened my book long ago
Reading from it waiting for a reaction
Satisfaction in, a me too
Nothing
Zilch
Then I closed my eyes waiting for grief to pass
To move beyond
But I never did
Stop searching for the social connections I lack
And that has driven me mad
Maybe manic
So I type, write, tell stories
Tales
Save Lives
In pages
Places I’ve created
Resurrected
Revived
And wonder how many other flashes from the past can I pick up
Bring them to life
Change the endings
By creating a beginning
That never was
As I recoil in the darkness
While they say, use
Happiness.

                                                   Angela K. Crandall

©9/16/18

Your heart

Have you surrendered?
Did you give them everything?
How far did you go?

Was she a friend, who is he?
And I hear it, from afar, as I sip my tea.
Turning back to my book trying to ignore them.
I find my napkin randomly ripping it apart,
Then consider talking to them,
Telling them all I know.
That this love shall pass.
And if it doesn’t well
That’s luck
Or growth;
Whatever perspective I suppose you see.
Me, it was poison I drank.
But it was friendship, not a lover.
Manipulated to think that maybe I could have what once existed.
Then Wham! It seems to always happen,
Oh, not always
But once
And I don’t expect it again or ever.
I get up to move as they discuss where to eat.
I have my other half
That is the argument I’m given.
But there are a few stragglers around my heart.
Ones who see me, the rainbow
Cherish the bright colors.
It feels though only one isn’t fading
And you can’t rely on one person
Smoother them
No
So I take each acquaintance and smile.
Push- myself to believe
That every life I touch counts
And close friends are limited,
Once we’re true to ourselves
And that’s
Just the consequence, of not being fake.

Angela K. Crandall

©9/14/18

Just thoughts….

Everyone is distant as I hear my voice echo.

I sing even though no one hears me.
I don’t think they do.
Then listen to the waves roll as if they would on the sea.
Waiting for time to pass as it does while I watch the others play.
I roll my hands across the sand.
I’d build a castle if it weren’t likely to be washed away.

The waves rush for my feet as I sit, but I don’t mind.
So I wonder why I’m human in this instant watching the gulls fly above me.
If I were them, I could go anywhere it pleased me.
Instead, I’m a human with feet. I don’t believe animals feel trapped like we do.
Angela K. Crandall ©9/2/18