(An inner dwelling)

Ridiculed restless

Shattered amongst heroes

 Picking up pieces of demolished bonds

Broken by those once loved

 Now deceived

Waiting for dreams

Unconscious hopes

To rid them of panic

Taking place in their heart

An alarm as loud as a silencer on a gun

Soundless

That is how they attack

She’ll never get it back

So she slips back instead

Into her head

Always appeased

Needs met

Without the stab wounds

Or

Vile threats

Protecting her heart

Perpetually alone

Surrounded by love

Only her own

A fantasy of life

Simulated within

Scary yet attractive

In reality she floats on by

They assume she’s pretty and daring

Not just getting by

Each spare instant, she speculates

Am I here?

Should I leave?

Write it all down

Make something of me?

For outside my fortress

I could be caught

Inside disaster

Their own dangerous thoughts

That collided with my own

And

Tear me apart

It’s more deadly then…

The destruction of beautiful art

Exceptional films never seen

Prejudice held

As I stood motionless

Contained by heaven

Alive in hell

Burning on earth

Til in dust I fell

So I take in moments

Precious art still standing

A few hands hold mine from time to time

Awaiting the morrow

To hope

Some day freedom

A deserted Island

There rebels will dwell

And surely

It will be ecstasy

And not the common misery

They claim

Hold on to visions in your head

Ones they tell you to put to bed

Make them live outside of you

Write them down

Hold them near

Creators do not fear

Conquer

What once stabbed you, grabbed you, bled you, use it against them

Because once your dust

All you can do is make them sneeze.

By

Angela K. Crandall

© 7/30/15

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Looking up

“Some people cannot be compared to others. Those who’ve taught me how to swim when there was no water.”

-Angela K. Crandall

© 7/27/15

Self-confidence

Inside my soul she lingers

You don’t see her dwelling there

Her golden hair

She gives me a piece of her mind

A kind of wisdom

Letting lose that tongue of hers

Telling me about the day

How horrid it was

And how I made her smile

When all else failed collapsing around her

She came to me

I helped her to stand

But

No longer does she appear

I sit alone

 She’s unable to listen to my muses, worries, and fumbling escapades of trials

Accompanying more tests

So-called lessons

 I keep striving to work out the knots

 To succeed in more than living in the cycle of the system

I set down my pen and stand to stretch

Fabrications of plenty mask depression

The anchor has dropped dipping into the cool clear water

I’ll write before my delusion dries up

Before hope is lost on re-runs of television that comforted me in the past

Now I must find satisfaction in myself

Or be left to be forgotten, finished, and extinct

By the hands of disbelief

by

Angela K. Crandall

© 7/26/15

Hearts, hope, Love

A valued existence.

Emerging affections of my intensity…

“Love captures hope in a jar, but it doesn’t fence her inside

It allows her to flourish

To grow out of the protection of the shell provided

An extension that falls free

Overflowing out of the top

Once she knows who she is

Obtaining a true love for herself

She discovers someone else

To hold her hand

 Escaping her refuge

Now in blossom

No longer does she need the armor she held on to so dear

Two hearts merge

Lifting themselves up

 Outward into the sun

As one extension

~Angela K. Crandall~

©7/25/15

Stumbling to regain us…

Wispy Rainbows made out of mist

Chill mornings surrounding quite hours of sleep

Drinking in each moment of soft sweet bliss beneath my sheets

Days of cool crisp sour sweet lemonade on my lips

Rapid running, playful pounces with the chosen one

Each dawn a new surprise

Then one day you wake up

Unable to comprehend why

After searching for so long

We start slipping away

Parting

Piece by piece

Into those moments, I wanted to last

Now and then I glimpse them

When you take my hand, smile, or grab at my side

I cherish these occurrences

An illustration of our devotion

An appreciation of romantic design

Stepping stones forward with every breath

I kiss you back

Flashbacks of memories

Now your forehead meets mine

Trying to regain

What seems like lost time

Driving us away from everyday madness

Trying to reclaim

Freedom felt

Before everything around us

Buckled us down

As if in a car unable to stop

Heading for a bridge

Without an extension

A ten-foot drop

All we have is one another to prevent us from drowning

And we must swim together or admit defeat

Which will it be?

By

Angela K. Crandall

©7/25/15

As an artist

“I can’t give up, it’s like committing suicide. It’s worse then social suicide. You can’t let yourself die as an artist because of what other people think of you. It’s tough to keep going even when no one listens, but if you stop then really no one will ever have the chance to listen so it’s better to keep going even when you don’t know what the outcome will be.”

~Angela K. Crandall~–on writing

I want to believe

Rising above the shadow of my beliefs

I want to believe I’m significant

A creator of change

That without my existence someone would notice

Yet something keeps forcing me down

Pushing me under the earth

Gorging my mouth with dirt

Filling me with mud

When will I puke out all the Darkness?

Shadows follow me of the human form

Emotions are shoved down my throat

Did I cause them?

Let others change my outlook

Give them control

How did anger, hate, doubt, appear on the surface

Am I really to hard on myself?

Or

Not adequate?

Water does nothing to dilute my uncertainty

I try to dispute it

Diminish this clot

You pass me

Taunt and tease

Neither is caught

Or maybe I’m just trapped

In this round about

Unable to get off

In a continuous circle of hope

That never reaches its climax.

By

Angela K. Crandall

© 7/23/15

Crush

I may be your fear waiting to escape

Slip through the cracks

Uncover me

Permit the veil to fall

Slide off

 Into the pond

Glide deep within the cool clear water

And

Swim

Free of persecution or obligations

Fall in love with yourself

Lye nude on the beach

Amid no worries

No hurries

Alone in the silence

The dew sticks to my skin at dusk

 Lingering until the sun rises

Sitting up I stretch, then dress

Adding the veil once again

One last glance back

Til last we meet again.

By

Angela K. Crandall

©7/20/15

Indispensable irreplaceable love

I am forever bleeding:

Feelings

Emotions on my sleeves

I pull them up revealing bare skin

Letting you caress my arms

 You pull me near

A yearning in my chest

Needing to linger in your arms

To fall into them

Rest my head, my heart, and every piece of me

I spent on those who didn’t deserve me

Can I let go of the past

Humans who let me down

And

Trust you

Let you into

Everything I am

Without regret

Because I want to

Allow you in once more

Before the rain

By

Angela K. Crandall

©7/19/15